FANGIRL Online EXCLUSIVE: Flying to Oakland on a whim to see Hayley Williams

Not many recent albums have affected me as deeply as Hayley Williams' latest, Ego Death at a Bachelorette Party, has. It punched me in the gut, made me cry, stole my lunch money - and I went back begging Miss Williams for more.

The first time I saw Hayley Williams was at Warped Tour in 2007 with this little band you might know called Paramore. Back then I had a fake ID and was photographing concerts for a few different local publications. I was sixteen and Hayley would've been Eighteen. It's been really cool growing up alongside Hayley and her music and having someone to look up to. I remember fangirling out in the photopit before she came out and all of the other photographers were looking at me like I was crazy - in hind sight, I was. And still am.

When she announced the first leg of the Ego Death at a Bachelorette Party tour I knew I stood no chance at getting tickets because A) the venues were small and B) it's Hayley fucking WIlliams. Not to mention, not a single date was close to where I live. She also did her best at banning resale or transfer of tickets which, in the current climate of resellers and bots hiking prices up to the thousands, I wish more artists would follow. Here's my take: make it mandatory that tickets have to be re-sold for the same price that they were purchased for. Then resellers couldn't profit and they would cease to exist. Boom - problem solved. But I digress...

All of the shows sold out within minutes. I knew it would happen and yet my dreams were still crushed. Staying grounded in reality, I reminded myself that this was a blessing in disguise because I really didn't have the means to travel for another concert this year. I was also struggling with whether or not to leave my job around this time, so financially I felt unstable.

The days kept passing and I kept turning to Ego Death At a Bachelorette Party to get me through the day. Reaching for my headphones at work was an escape - and from the opening notes of the first track, Ice In My OJ, Hayley took me away with her... far, far away from it all.

I got ice in my OJ, I'm a cold heart bitch

A lot of dumb motherfuckers that I made rich

Might go back to Mississippi

Careful I don't take you with me

In March my husband and I went on our honeymoon to Japan, somewhere we'd both shared the dream of travelling to since our first date. I found myself listening to EDAABP on the flight there, buying a Japanese edition of the CD at Tower Records in Tokyo, and walking down Takeshita Street singing Dream Girl In Shibuya to myself. I was certifiably obsessed.

Hate that you've already seen

Every bad side of me

Under fluorescent light

But I went to Takeshita Street

Came back more kawaii

We could pretend it's our first time

Upon arriving home from Japan the comedown was real. The post-travel depression was making me seak dopamine from scouring the Hayley Williams reddit for ticket tips from my fellow fallen soldiers who lost the ticketmaster war. Unfortunately, no matter what an artist does, it seems resellers will always find a way - and fans were reporting that some resale tickets purchased through sites like StubHub and Seatgeak we're working... and some weren't. It was truly luck of the draw and at the venues discretion. Fortunately, most venues had tickets available for sale at the box office on the day of the show. However the quantity was different at each venue, ranging from 10 tickets to 50+ tickets, from what I saw.

One evening, after a pay day, I thought it would be harmless to look at what some resale sites had for tickets. Just to look! I swear!

Looking turned into cross referencing tour dates with flights. Which turned into more redditing. Which turned into about a hundred open internet tabs. And then out of nowhere, I was going to Oakland.

Chaos reaches outer space

Turns out nowhere is a place

Look down on a brilliant blaze

Phone, home, baby, everything changed

For the next month I proceded to syke myself out - my ticket must be a scam, I'm a bad fan for buying a resale ticket because Hayley didn't want that, I shouldn't have spent that money ETC. I spiraled, you get it. But still, I was going to Oakland! And I was prepared to wait in that line all day and get a box office ticket if mine was fake. I had a plan, I had so many plans, because I'm an anxious over-thinker like that.

What I didn't plan for was meeting so many amazing people in line that day. Some had won the ticketmaster war and others, like me, had resale tickets that they were equally anxious about. We were now in this together. Fangirl family.

Four of the girls I met in line were from Texas, two were from Florida, one was from Oregon, and one was even from Vancouver like me (we even had the same flight home but we didn't realize until we saw each other outside of the airport). Connecting with fans from around the world is so special because you all traveled there for the same reason - so naturally you end up finding you have so much in common and making, in my experience, lifelong friends. I talk to some of the people I've met through the MCR fandom more than I talk to my IRL friends. It's a different bond - like speaking the same secret language.

Now we're just blood brothers

Covered in papеr cuts

With a bond like no other

Was it evеr enough?

For this tour, Hayley's not approving any media - so I couldn't cover this show officially for FANGIRL Diaries in RANGE Magazine. Inspired by others, I brought my Sony rx100 vii point and shoot and snapped pics from the crowd. Hayley's fanbase has so many talented photographers and artists - it's so cool to see the content that comes out of the community. And honestly, I respect her for not letting random photographers and journalists cover her shows. At this point she doesn't need the press and it's smart of her to control her image. Her team is so talented - why would she need, or want, anything more?

With that being said, I, um, think she'd fuck with FANGIRL. And if not, girl hit me up and I'll take this shit down - like I'll literally do whatever you want.

ANYWAY.

My ticket worked. All of our tickets worked. Even one girl we met who didn't have a ticket ended up getting one at the box office! And we even managed to all secure spots beside each other in the pit.

At the time of this show I was three months sober and really starting to love experiencing shows sober. I knew this one would be extra special because I've never seen Hayley sober and, oh boy, I still get full body goose bumps when I think of her voice live. I can hear it in my sleep.

May never happen again

Stings like sweat on broken skin

And it's never enough

Tastes like the whole ocean

Exit stage left

What might be the end

Showbiz, showbiz

Seeing this album performed live in such small and intimate venues was a religious experience. Hayley makes eye contact with everyone in the audience, she jokes, she messes up her own lyrics, and she does it all with so much authenticity, joy, and pure talent. It's such a treat to hear her adlib new vocal parts throughout the set that give the songs a different vibe live. Her voice fills a room like no other I've ever heard - her melodies hit like a thousand bullets straight to the soul.

Always ready for the piano to fall

Always ready to be left out in the cold

Armor's heavy, never suited me at all

But it's the devil I know

For this tour, Hayley styled herself and I've noticed a lot of fans picking up on how her sheer outfit choices might be referencing the emotional transparency of the album. Or she simply just looks better than ever and is an absolute style icon. Maybe a bit of both.

At the end of the day, the biggest reason I love Hayley Williams so much is because she's always been someone I'm proud to look up to. Her politics are fantastic, she's a good person, and she leads with kindness. Despite literally growing up on stage, I feel like she's somehow remained a down to earth human that is using her voice and power for good. I truly believe she stands for something so important, and that's rare nowadays.

They say that Jesus is the way but then they gave him a white face

So they don't have to pray to someone they deem lesser than them

So thank you Hayley, and "The Parafour", for everything you do. It was an honour to breathe the same air as you.